I am one of those people who have never been good with words. I can never find the right thing to say in hard circumstances and usually, I try to joke. I had two experiences of that nature this week.
First, a very close friend is having difficulties in her life. Things have been stressful with the kids and work and I think she was feeling a little off-kilter. After several weeks of noticing things weren't going well for her, I finally said something. It took me way too long to talk to her and I realize now that all she really needed was a friend. I am so much like a dude in those respects. I don't see things right in front of my face and I usually wait way too long to do something about it. Even as I was talking to her, I found it very difficult to find the right words to say and the right way to put into complete sentences what I was feeling in my heart. Fortunately, she knows me very well and has been around me enough to know this flaw in me. I hope she forgives my tardiness in being there for her.
Second, I think I was blindsided by PB's biopsy results. I know she is reading this, but I can't help but apologize for my initial reaction on the phone. I was so shocked that all I could do was make jokes. It is the worst defense mechanism, but it is me. My reaction was not only jokes, but it was telling her that if she needed comic relief to call me. I know people need that in times of adversity, but I wanted her to know how sad I was. She has to know that when I got off the phone with her, I sobbed. I didn't sob because I feel like things look bleak. On the contrary, I think things will be fine and, as she put it, she will get through it one step at a time and things will be fine. I sobbed because I hate that she has to go through this. I hate that she is feeling the emotional strain of dealing with breast cancer. I hate that we cannot take it on for her and share the burden she is feeling. I know God will take care of her, but part of me just can't figure out why this is happening and why now. It is not for me to ask why and I know I have to have faith and trust in God that He will heal her completely and quickly. I know I write about a lot of anger, but I am also thankful that it was caught now and that PB seems to be in pretty good spirits. Most importantly, I am thankful for her friendship and that she considers me one of the "girls."
At any rate, I am told that, if she has to have a more major surgery (hopefully, that won't be the case) KB has requested that she come out like Dolly Parton.
4 comments:
To quote KB "Double D's" is what he would prefer. Listen KB and I know from when his Dad was dealing with cancer that if we don't laugh about things we would just be crying. Laughter is the best medicine! I hated having to tell all of you this news. We shouldn't apologize for initial reactions when something hits us in the face as this did. We are only human. You just keep me laughing, that is your job through this journey. I think you have already shared my burden with me. I don't feel alone in this because I have great friends like you. NOW - get that foot out of your mouth, and use to give KB a swift kick for the "DD" comment.
I also have foot in my mouth symdrome. Maybe we should start a support group where we make each other laugh with the silly things we have said to others.
I think anyone whose been around you for just 5 minutes would know you are a kind person who would never say or do anything to cause hurt!
See, she knows how you feel! You are a great friend to have during hard times because people do need to laugh - it is a great stress reliever. You have a great gift with your sense of humor.
I can so relate to your feelings about communicating with people. All I have to say is thank goodness for e-greetings because I can't even tell someone their haircut looks nice without studdering. Being there is more important than any words that you say and I know everyone appreciates your sense of humor to break the tension. View it as a gift because God made you that way for a reason.
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