Oh snap. I read my postings before this and realize how selfish I am. The last 2-1/2 days, my mind has been consumed by thoughts of Amy. I have been thinking of Samantha and the whole family, but mostly Amy.
Tim was wonderful. He was thoughtful. God put him in our life right at the moment when we needed him and Tim CHANGED OUR LIFE. Tim got us into our first house. Consequently, we had our first daughter and more importantly, our marriage survived. Many people don't know how rocky our marriage was until that point. So, we happened to mention to Tim in passing that we were going to try and find some stability at some point by getting into our first house. Tim ran with it. It took almost eight months for it to happen and it did because Tim was persistent and he made it work. In the last few weeks, he was working to try and help us sell that very house to get us closer to Heritage. It isn't just the house. It is so many other things he did or said. Too many things to list. He was hilarious, thoughtful, caring and a friend to all.
So, I keep thinking of Amy. I laid in bed last night and couldn't sleep because I kept thinking of how she could possibly be dealing with all of this. She has a wonderful support network, but in the quiet of the night, when she is alone with her thoughts...I just can't imagine. Last night, I tried to mentally send her my sleep. Not sure that it worked. :-)
To say the thing I most want to say...I can't believe this has happened. I don't understand it and I don't know why it has happened, but it has. I haven't processed it yet, but I know that I will never be the same because I knew Tim. Thomas said, "Do you ever think maybe things like this happen because God wants us to see how we should be? How we should become better people and be like those who left us behind?" Well, I don't know, but I do know there is no doubt Tim is in heaven. Tim's life makes me aspire to be a better person.
Amy will never read this, but I want her to know I don't say the right thing. I am not good at words. I am good at sticking my foot in my mouth. I want to do something, anything, to help. I don't know what that is right now. Maybe that will be something in a year that comes up, maybe it will be something further down the road. I want her to know I am sharing in her sorrow and the Freeman family loves her and Samantha so much.
2 comments:
I thought that was very well said. I have not been able to sleep either. Mark and I both keep saying that we can't believe that this happened. We ache so much for Amy and Samantha. We want to do something to help but have no idea what that could be. Thank you for setting up the Facebook page. Several people at church talked about how therapeutic that page is for them. By the way, I don't think that you sharing your struggles is selfish. They are real struggles and you need support. Just my opinion.
Jenna - you know me very well, so I am sure you could hear my voice saying it...especially the "Oh snap" part. :-) I will be glad to see everyone at the service tomorrow, not because I want the service to happen, but because I wanted to see everyone today. That would have been therapeutic for me.
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