It's been four weeks on the new meds and they aren't working. I know it is supposed to take up to 12 weeks, but I am just so tired. Physically, I am still having the same symptoms and emotionally, well, not doing great. Spiritually, I can't even describe the bottomless pit I feel myself in right now. In the back of my mind, I am getting scared that the normal medication for Lupus is not going to work on me. I don't want to be a medical black sheep. I want to be textbook. I want this medicine to work and I want to feel better. This has been the hardest year of my life and the punches keep getting thrown. I believe that God's assessment of "how much I can handle" is a little off. Not to take away from His knowledge, but honestly.
At any rate, I just needed to write this down, rather than just cry about it at home. I guess this is another late night vent session. :-)
2 comments:
Tami, it would seem that serious diseases require serious medications. Between the two surely you have every right to be tired and fussy and angry, even with God. That means you are extremely normal. You don't need it but you have my permission to cry all you need. God gave us tears for this very reason. We will continue to pray for you to get well. I hope you do not feel alone. There are those who care about you and your family and your personal situation. And God cares too. Even when all your experiences cry out that God cannot be trusted, you can still trust Him. May the Lord bless you and keep you. . . David R
Tami~
I wish I had some great words of wisdom, some wonderful insight or something that would bring about instant relief and healing, but alas, I don't. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of this. It is hard to be sick....but then to be a mom, and be sick, well, that is almost undoable. Hang in there, cry all you want, get extra hugs from Thomas and the girls, and vent whenever you need to! And, I second what David R. said. We love you, and you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Michelle Erkkila
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