It's been four weeks on the new meds and they aren't working. I know it is supposed to take up to 12 weeks, but I am just so tired. Physically, I am still having the same symptoms and emotionally, well, not doing great. Spiritually, I can't even describe the bottomless pit I feel myself in right now. In the back of my mind, I am getting scared that the normal medication for Lupus is not going to work on me. I don't want to be a medical black sheep. I want to be textbook. I want this medicine to work and I want to feel better. This has been the hardest year of my life and the punches keep getting thrown. I believe that God's assessment of "how much I can handle" is a little off. Not to take away from His knowledge, but honestly.

At any rate, I just needed to write this down, rather than just cry about it at home. I guess this is another late night vent session. :-)