**The following post is not meant to offend. It is meant to make us think.**
I go to a church that is what I call an 80/20 church. I started calling it that today, after an extensive conversation with Thomas regarding the project I am working on. Talking about the Talent Revue led to talking about Music Camp, which led to talking about volunteers in the children's ministry. I will be the FIRST person to tell you I love our church. I am willing to drive to Keller 3+ times per week because I feel like Thomas and I have been called to worship and serve there. It is 30-40 minutes to get there (which really isn't a big deal because it is just like our church in California), but when gas is through the roof, it hits the pocket book.
Anyway, let me explain my 80/20 philosophy about our church. 20% of the people who are members at our church are the "doers." They MAKE the time in their schedules to attend every event they can and they are always the people who are the "default volunteers" for everything that no one else wants to do. These people, who are in the 20%, are usually a lot more busy than I could ever be. I know one family, who I am very close to, that juggle their whole lives, but you know they are dedicated to our church. The parents both work full-time, they have three children, all involved in school and extra-curricular sports, but the whole family can be found at just about every event at the church. On top of that, the parents teach a vital class every Sunday and they will do almost anything they are asked. They have made it a BIG priority and show it. Their lives are much more complicated than I can write in a paragraph on a blog. I have a lot of close friends at church that are in this 20% category. (Just come to the Talent Revue and you will see them. I have conned them into doing a lot of extra things because even though we have a church of **900**, I can't find anyone else to help.)
Then, I have a lot of friends in the 80% category. These friends are wonderful to me. I love them, but I get secretly frustrated with them and sometimes, I am not good at making it a secret when I am with them. I am so glad they spend time at our church in worship. I am so glad they are there and I have been blessed to know them. The problem is, they are people of convenience when it comes to church. Their lives are so busy outside of church, that they get wrapped up in it and forget the mission. They are the people who rush in, some drop their kids off at class, they worship and then you don't see them again until the next week. Some of these people are the MOST talented people I have ever met. Their talents are in many areas - creativity, music, humor, organization, computer-oriented, cooking, etc. These talents are usually being wasted in so many cases. These are talents we can use so much at our church, but I think the 80% doesn't feel needed. They think, "If I don't volunteer, someone else will make sure it gets done." The problem is - I think the 20% gets worn out. If you are reading this blog and you started feeling like I might be talking about you when I discussed the 80%, don't feel alone. I have been in that 80%. Then, one day, I actually realized it and decided I could be a lot more fulfilled and have a much better experience if I changed it. So I did. The moment I started helping at church, I felt needed and I felt like God was leading me into these roles. Well, honestly, I didn't change it. God did, by way of our old Children's Minister (I think he had a little help from my sister). He asked me to direct the kids in the Children's Musical that year. Up until that point, I can't even say I was even really apart of the 80%. Believe me, I have had relapses, but I want my daughter (and future baby #2) to KNOW what my priorities are. I want them to see what I saw in my parents - dedication to the mission of bringing people to Christ.
So, after this LONG blog, I have a question for you. How many people in our church are not feeling needed? How many are the ones we should be ministering to? When we talk about ministering to the community, we cannot forget about our own church community. There are some who are hurting and that has caused them to be in the 80%. Some are feeling tired, some are needing someone, ANYONE, to come into their lives and let them know they are not alone. Some just need that extra push that says, "WE NEED YOU." I needed someone to help me with an aspect of the show today and told them, "I need you!" The problem is - they are in the 20%. They are worn out and when I said it, you could see it all over their face. I should have said it to someone in the 80% and I will.
So, here it goes. Some of you, reading my blog, are the ones we need. We need you to help in class, with church activities, I can certainly use all the help I can get at Music Camp, we need volunteers in the children's ministry, or any one of 100 different areas. Challenge yourself to be a "default volunteer." I guarantee you will be tired, but you will be more fulfilled than I can ever say. For those of you who have children, you will find that these are the things they will remember when they are adults. They will see you fulfilled and want the same thing for themselves and they will know exactly how to do it. You may not think they are watching, but they always are and now is the time to make sure they see Christ in you.
Comment - I want to know what you think.
20 comments:
Hi Tami,
You must be feeling better!! I admire you still being so involved even though you have not felt your best. I think that what you have said is very true. I know that I only volunteer to teach one Sunday a month, because I have to work on some Sundays. I have to work some weekends because Mark is my childcare:) I am trying to make changes in my work so that I can do more at church (and at the boys school - I am never able to volunteer there). I have also offered many times to fill in for people on the Sundays that I am able to, but I have never been asked. Maybe we need to do more asking? Sorry I did not volunteer for your talent revue project, I really don't like being the center of attention. If you really need the help, then I will help. I appreciate what you are doing.
I know that many people have left our church because they did not feel connected anywhere. Is that their unwillingness to get involved or is it something that we need to fix? I know that I often feel disconnected at church, and we have gone there for more than 11 years. That is a different subject, but I think it helps explain why more people are not involved. I also think that it would help if people would be asked to help by doing a, b, or c.
Don't know if my ramble made any sense at all. Personally, I feel that it is one more area in my life where I am not good enough or I am not doing enough. The other areas? Motherhood, being a wife, helping at the boys school, maintaining my house, my work, basically every area of my life:)
I think your point about wanting your kids to know what your priorities are is very important. We always make time for school, sports, work, but church activities (especially activities that are not on Sunday morning) are easily put at the very bottom of the list. If you have soccer practice twice a week and a game on the weekend, why can you not do three church activities during the week? The answer is, you can, but you have to make it a priority. This became an issue two years ago when I wanted to make exercise a part of my life. I had to sacrifice something in order to have the time to workout. I gave up television. It is all about what you choose to make time for. It is really amazing how much you can do when you prioritize.
Here's what I think...
I just think that it might be a bit judgmental to say some of those things. I know you were just expressing thoughts and frustrations, etc., and not trying to "come down" on anyone.
I know, for me, I do not go to church on Wednesdays as much as I should, but I volunteer every single Sunday in the preschool class leading worship. That's a really challenging job, but it's the only thing I do right now.
I think it's ok to say no sometimes. I have so much on my plate with teaching full time, raising two small boys, taking care of my family, and getting my masters that I'm not sure I can mentally handle one more thing. Does that make me "wrong" for turning down some helping opportunities or not spending all of my free time at church? Am I making any sense? I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but I am just being honest. I did feel as though you were speaking to me, and yes, I could be way more involved than I am, but for the sake of my sanity, I cannot fill my plate too full. I just think that everyone has reasons for what they do, and it's not for us to judge why they do or do not help out in any certain area.
Now, there's my two cents. ;)
Here are some of my responses to your responses so far:
Tammie - Thanks for the comment! The goal is to make people think and apparently it had the affect I wanted! When I say "help" or "volunteer," I mean that I have tried and tried to find someone who would be willing to make sure the plants are in place on the stage and the skirts are on the platforms just prior to our Talent Revue. It is a 15 minute one-time job that is simple, but no one will volunteer to do it. That's what I am talking about. There are so many simple things that don't take a lot of time, but have a huge impact. I respect your opinion on me being judgemental, although I think it is funny that you think I am talking about you. I am really speaking to those who don't get involved or plugged in anywhere and you know I am aware of what you are doing with the preschoolers between the two church services. If you think I am being judgemental by saying to those 80%, "Hey! Come get involved! You will get something out of it!", then so be it. I will forever be judgemental because there will not be a day that I don't try and get people involved at church. We are talking about salvation and if getting them in the door as a participant helps them with their journey (and I know it has helped me a great deal), then I will continue to do it. Another note: I, too, am raising a family, been in and out of the hospital with pregnancy issues over the last three months, work full-time and am involved in a lot of things outside of church and you sound like you are minimizing that. We are all very busy and I am saddened to hear that you feel like your busy life is any worse than mine or anyone else's who is reading this blog. That is what I took away from your response, however, I would love to know if I misinterpreted your statement.
Jenna - I am having a lot more good days than bad! Thanks for all of your recent thoughts and prayers! It IS difficult to try and support your family with income when you have to spend some Sundays at work. I think the "getting connected" issue is a big problem. Honestly, I don't know how to fix that. What do you think about it? Tonya brought up a good question to me a few weeks ago - she said, "Well, once we get them in the door, what are we doing as the next step?" I think Jeremy H. will be a good addition. He is working on new member issues like that, but at the same time, how do we maintain the "old" members? That is definitely something to think on. Do you have any more thoughts on it? On a personal note - if you are looking for a place to plug in, in what areas do you feel like you can share your talents? I think you are great with kids and have a lot of really creative ideas. Maybe there are some out there who go to church with us that can help make suggestions. (Although, I have to admit, not that many people read my blog, so we may not get a lot of responses!) I believe a common misconception is that when you volunteer at church or get involved in a ministry, you have to get involved even in those things that you do not enjoy. I suggest to those that are struggling with it to find areas they really enjoy. Examples (for everyone): If you love computers, find out from Charis if she needs any help with the A/V issues she deals with weekly. Talk about a busy person! I am sure there is a place where she can use help. If you like singing, come join the Praise Team. Other than showing up at church, there is no other time commitment, but I will tell you that when I am scheduling the singers every Sunday, we don't have enough people volunteer to do it. Those are just two examples for anyone out there reading this.
Sara - I agree with you. It is so hard to give things up, too. I can identify with your statements...at work, I can be one of those types that just wants to do it myself. I get into the mode of "if I do it myself, it is done right (usually) and I won't have to worry about it." Then, when I get bogged down in it and find myself at my computer in the wee-hours of the morning, logged into my work computer from my link at home, I realize, "I have to get help. I have to let the other qualified people at work get involved or I won't be able to prioritize the rest of my life." When we first moved here (and I wasn't even qualified to be in the 80% - I was a perpetual church hopper), I was working 65-80 hours per week. That was my priority. It was sad and I was coming home exhausted and not always feeling fulfilled. Only being around Christian friends and being at worship could fill that hole in my heart, but it took me awhile to get my life straight.
Great comments, everyone! Keep them coming! Your thoughts will only open all of our eyes to new ideas and don't worry about hurt feelings!
Girl, you were misinterpreted! I have a really bad habit of thinking my life if crazy busy but not taking into consideration that everyone else has the same problem. It's probably an excuse for me to fall back on...
Anyway, I do appreciate all that you do and know it's hard for you while you live so far away and not feeling well, etc. I love you, girl, and I sure didn't mean to make you feel that way! I was just personalizing the stuff you said and speaking about only me and my reasons for not doing more.
Dude, your blog is drama. ;)
I have to be honest with you, Tammie. I am shocked you read my blog. I seriously considered putting a picture on that posting, just so you would have something to look at. HAHAHAHAHA...
Hello, I'm an 80%-er. Yep, this describes me right now. We come in on Sundays, worship and then head home. We have not been good about attending on Wed nights or volunteering much. We did more before having Cooper (like teach Little Friends) but we just got out of the habit of volunteering. I have no excuses- yes we are all busy in one form or another- and I appreiate you making me think. I've always had a nagging feeling about the fact that I don't do enough at church. As for the Talent thing- if you know me at all, you know that I'm NOT an eyes-on-me person and I'd die from embarrassement if I volunteered to be in a rock band. Just not my thing. But, putting table skirts and plants on the stage, that I can do. I honestly feel that I need to pray for the desire to get involved more and that God will open doors and opportunities for me to do that. Another thing I've struggled with is figuring out my gifts. I have a hard time knowing which area would be best for me to help in.
Again, thanks for reminding us that we need to look at our priorities better.
I think it is great that all of you have the "guts" to say exactly the way you feel about this subject. It is really hard to talk about it publicly one way or the other.
Here are my thoughts :)
I always try to put my kids first. I have in my mind the way I think that I should be as their mother. I fail in many ways - but one way that I really don't want to let them down is when it comes to church. I started teaching Bible classes when Blake was a newborn. I taught his cradle roll class. I think my singing scared the babies :) As many of you know, he is now 11 and I'm still his teacher. Although, I haven't always taught his classes, I have taught in one of the children areas at every church I have been to. I really enjoy doing it!
I don't think that you have to be a teacher, on the praise team, or in charge of worship to be involved. Our church has so many places to serve in an ongoing ministry.
But...
As for me, I feel like I only have ONE chance to make a difference in the lives of my kids. I know that if I really think that it is important for them to know all of the Bible stories and that church is not only important - it is the most important place to be, I have to show them that now. I will only be able to teach them for a few more years - you better believe I'm going to make them be there at every service. After all, I really would be disappointed if they didn't go as adults because of what they saw as a child.
Which brings me to another point - once they get there, I REALLY do care what they learn about. Obviously, I'm pretty conservative, so I like to be part of what they are doing...whether teaching or assisting. It's not for everyone, but it really is good to maybe drop in every once in a while and see what your child is being taught. It is also important to me for all of the children to have fun while they are learning - don't say "why are you in there then!!!" I know that Matt would love to have a sub list of people that don't want to necessarily teach for an extended amount of time, but wouldn't mind helping every once in a while. Also, if you want to come in to Power Zone on Sunday, you are more than welcome to ;)
One other thought - If our "20%" get burned out, what will happen? My next door neighbor is the "children's minister" at a church next to our's. All of their members have to sign up for at least 1 place to serve within the church...it is a requirement. They now are at 4 services, over 1500 members, and pretty much started at that location right around the same time we did. She has all of her volunteers on a rotation and she has a sub list of about 50 people!! They are a 100% church (and it shows). They are able to do so many more activities, with smiles on their faces. If we are going to be the size that they are, we are all going to have to step up - especially me.
Thanks for all of your opinions on Tami's blog...needless to say, it has been fun reading. I think her next blog should be about the role of women in church...ha, ha, ha!!
I think requiring all members sign up for one thing to do for service is a great idea! That would make people serve so that the same ones aren't always doing it all the time.
(I decided not to play Devil's advocate this time ;)
Tami--You SHOULD feel very honored that I read your blog b/c you did have a lot of words on there!
Hey Tami- did Blogger eat my comment or did you delete it because it was too controversial? ;)
Blogger must have eaten it!! I didn't get a notice of it on my email either. I rushed home so I could read it! I am anxious to hear your thoughts!
Okay, I'll try it again... maybe blogger will cooperate, or, more likely, that I can type the word verication right.
Being members at the church less than one year, we have been blissfully unaware of any issues, drama, or the 80/20 problem. In our last church, we started out in the 20% and got so burned out after a few years. One of the things I was involved in was organizing food for new moms, deaths, funerals and sicknesses and it was SOOOO depressing calling people and hearing "no" time after time. When we changed churches, I consciously made the choice to take a "step back."
But recently we decided because of our kids to start going to Wed. night church. I signed up to help with the kids to motivate us to make it, because otherwise we would flake out every week. We are planning to start Sunday School too... still working on that plan though.
I think that we haven't known exactly what needs to be done either. Both of us have volunteered our time at various events over the last year and quite honestly have felt stupid doing it. We haven't know who to ask about what needed to be done, people haven't known who we are and what we are doing there, and it was frustrating to the point of not wanting to help anymore. Our perception has been that there was not a need. Having said that, I think if we knew more people than we do right now, it would be easier to find our niche. I realize though that getting to know people and developing friendships is not overnight and takes much more than Sunday morning 5 minute hellos. So it's a catch-22... be in the 20% where you don't know anyone and feel stupid but at least you have the opportunity to get to know people, or be in the 80% and be sad that it takes so long to feel connected at church.
I'm not sure that I agree with making people sign up to help with something upon membership. Here's why... my husband didn't always go to church. I know that if back when he started to attend church without any family support, if he had been told that he couldn't become a member without volunteering somewhere, he would have run out that back door and not come back. And Scott broght his entire family to church with him eventually, which is an amazing thing that God did since his parents died so young.
Anyway, that's my "new member" perspective. I think it's fabuloso that you are making us think about our commitment to church and to the church family. Maybe another perspective on it could be that we aren't just working for church activities, we are working to bring people to Jesus...even if it's only table skirts and plants. You never know who will show up that night, who will start talking and who will end up changed, all because someone thought of having a talent show. That's how Scott was introduced to Jesus (not at a talent show, although that would be classic!), but at an event that was heavily run by volunteers and each person there, down to the parking lot attendant where he parked his bike played a role in the path to get him where he is now.
Kelli - Not to put you on the spot, but did you feel like things were disorganized or that you weren't really needed when you volunteered? That kind of helps me in figuring out how I will approach getting help with Music Camp this year. That is a time when we really need people, but I don't know if we are doing a good job of identifying the specifics. Anyone else who can speak to this issue, please comment!
I've never felt things were disorganized in any way, more like we may not have been needed. I really think it boiled down to people not knowing if we are visitors, new, used... whatever. No one wants to go tell the girl standing in the corner looking around to go take out the trash, however, if someone had told me to do that, I would have been thankful for the job so I didn't feel like I had to stand in the corner looking around. I think that JH will help a lot with this my IDing new families and plugging them in to where they are interested.
There have been a few times when I didn't have a specific job, and I think that's when I felt the most like I was not needed (please don't think I need therapy for not being needed... I am strictly talking in a volunteer at church capacity here!) I think that the more specific the request is, the better, just because it leaves no room for question. For example, I know exactly what is expected of my volunteer time on Wednesday evenings, but at other times I had no clue what "come help" meant.
I remember about music camp a paper that seemed pretty specific and organized about needs... chaperones, food, rides, etc, right? That's a great approach.
And please remember that I'm saying all this as someone who is relatively new... someone who has been there a while may not have any of these issues. I mean, for crying outloud I don't even know where all the bathrooms are.
We went to a church for a while that had A TON of kids. I mean, everyone seemed to have at least 3 and were not even thinking of slowing down. Anyway, that lead to a huge need for workers in kid's church. After a few turns, people quit helping and one Sunday Jamie got up to preach and at the time that he normally dismissed the kids, he announced that until they had more volunteers, there were no classes for the kids; they got to stay with us. It only took one Sunday of wrestling all those kids to get people signing up again. I thought it was pretty funny.
"Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet ".
I just thought this was very appropriate for this blog. I have been on both sides of the 20/80 church. KB and I attended another church when we were first married. We warmed benches for a while and just didn't feel like we fit in. Of course we didn't, you can't get to know people if you aren't around except during a sermon. We eventually got involved with VBS, audio/video, and children's worship. Due to a move we decided to visit other churches closer to us when we ended up here. I pushed us to jump in with both feet from the start, and we haven't looked back. I can not tell you how blessed we are by this church family. If we weren't involved my children would not have the extended family they love. I don't just mean my friends kids, I mean even older couples who consider them their own grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Such a special connection they would not have had just coming on the occasional Sunday morning. The benefits of being a 20%, far outweigh that of an 80%. Now I will be the first to say you must prioritize the activities you choose. You shouldn't try to do every possible activity at church it does cause burn out. I also believe that it is very important to have "family time". A time when there are no outside distraction, a time you spend with your husband and children to give them your undivided attention. It is a balancing act for anyone, no matter what stage of life you are in. You really have to follow your heart and listen for that voice inside you calling you to do this or that. I always tell my children that little voice is the voice of God telling them the right thing to do. Are you listening to your inner voice? Do you hear God's calling?
Well, my goodness, I wasn't quite expecting to find this fabulous commentary when I was bored and going to look at everyone's blog today.
I agree with you that 20 percent of the people are doing everything. I used to be one of the 20%. I have scaled myself way back. (After our previous children's minister left).
My situation is a bit different from everyone else's because my husband is ABSENT from all church activities and would much rather work than be with his family. Some of you know that and some of you are just finding that out. I get so frustrated doing everything by myself. I KNOW I'm not doing enough, and coming on Wednesdays is where I've been struggling for a while. I have been praying to God and talking to him about this for some time. I am still involved to a point, but I don't want to get burned out. I have been there and done that. I do believe God wants everyone to use their gifts and be involved in some way. I also don't think we can judge anyone until we know what is happening in their lives. We don't know why couple a, b, or c isn't involved, you don't know what's going on at home.
I don't know if this even makes sense, because I'm just typing my thoughts as they come to me. You can all just pray for me that I have the strength and GET OVER not having my husband involved with me. That will only change with God's help.
Mistee
I’m jumping in here because I’m thinking these comments are destined for the Guinness Book of World Records as the longest ever!
I have a full-time job that is stressful and demanding. Teaching senior English means grading tons of essays and research papers, but on top of that, I wear a bunch of other hats on campus, too: publications adviser, faculty rep, technology integrator, curriculum writer. The days are long and the work we teachers bring home is frustrating. So why do I do it? My job is my calling—my passion—and teaching is a ministry to me, just as it is to most Christian teachers who want to have a positive impact on kids' lives.
However, little of what I do at school excites me, fulfills me, rejuvenates me more than the A/V stuff I get to do at HCC. It's exhausting, all that time spent on the computer here at home or in the booth. But I love being able to contribute in some way to our ministries. I believe that the "fields are as white in the world" and people need the Lord. Since we have chosen to worship at Heritage, that is where we will work to help people begin and deepen their relationships with Him.
A big part of why I want to be a "20-percenter" is because that's the only lifestyle I've ever known. Both of my parents worked full-time and still devoted hours each week to church work. I never doubted their commitment to the church. They didn't just "go to church"; they WERE the church!
And WE'RE the church! We're all God's ministers, and everything we do is part of His Church's work. Our #1 ministry has to be to our own families. But there's real power, real synergy when we work as part of our church family, too. It takes a lot of people to accomplish the life-changing we're going for, and we all have work to do!
As for me, I'm praying that the life-changing starts with the two wonderful people who live with me and Brett. I pray that Ryan and Katie catch this involvement bug just like I did from my parents. Not only will they contribute to God’s work, but they’ll enrich their own lives in countless ways.
So that's a whole bunch of words for the why. The how? That's harder!
I know for me, I answered several calls for volunteers, taking on some short-term assignments here and there until I found myself drawn more and more to the computer stuff. Certain individuals really pulled me in, too, getting me to design this, help with that, take on something else.
I also know that for others, this is not their time to devote hours each week to church work. They’re in situations right now that make it so very hard to take time away from their kids or other demands. There is NO WAY I could’ve done half the computer stuff I do now when the kids were smaller. There’s no way I could get to have this involvement without Brett’s help and support, too.
But everybody can find something to do. Maybe it’s a weekly commitment, maybe it’s helping at a one-time event (like the carnival) now and then. But getting in there is so important! It’s how you get those feet moving for our God, it’s how you get connected with other believers, and it’s one way to help others BECOME believers!
But don’t forget, it’s also so good for YOUR spirit. You will be blessed! EVERYONE should get to feel the joy, the fulfillment that comes from being involved and feeling truly connected to a branch of God's family tree.
Tami:
My thought is that you should quit complaining and get back to work.
Amen Sista!
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