I don't like change. Actually, I am on the fence with change. Change can be wonderful, but I am feeling the effects of change today that kind of hurt. I am feeling the long term effects of divorce. Lost love. Lost dreams. Lost years. It is the little things you don't think about. Someone there to celebrate with or cry with. Someone to parent with and help get the kids ready. Or read them books at night. Or pray with them at the dinner table. Someone to talk to at night before you sleep. Holding hands when you walk.

Or something as simple as what I have to do now. My blog address is tamiandthomas.blogspot.com. I can no longer have that blog address. When I created this blog, Thomas and I were having issues, but I never imagined we would be here today. People who look in from the outside don't often realize that the little things are sometimes the things that hurt the most. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but when you change the blog addresses, the drivers license, the account names, etc., it becomes final. Things become real. When you don't want things to become real, it is like your lungs have a slow leak. You can still breathe, but there is a slow deflation and you just wait...wait for the moment when you collapse.

So, I must find a new blog address. One that is appropriate for a single mom of two beautiful girls, who is trying desperately to find her way and her place. A mom who sees reminders every single day of what is now lost and who is searching for the voice of God in this screwed up life that shouldn't be this way.

So, I say goodbye to this blog. Here is my new blog address:

http://www.imaginationofasinglemom.blogspot.com

See you there.

Fresh Start

It's January and I am ready for a new start. I think it is such a cliche to want a new start in January and I have never been one for resolutions. This last calendar year has been the hardest year of my entire life. It has brought me to my knees spiritually, emotionally, physically and has challenged every ounce of my being. At several times, I think there were times I thought (and probably several people in my life thought) I wasn't going to make it. So far, I have made it. Life as I knew it has been shattered and I am faced with a new reality. I have been judged harshly by those I thought were called to be servants, however, I realize now that some situations will make me stronger in the end and that those who have judged cannot and will never know my situation. It is not their business to know and obviously the draw of the gossip of knowing our situation was more overpowering than wanting to help us get through the pain.

At any rate, I need something more. Right now, I live in my sister's old house, for which I am SO very thankful. I work in the same job and am surrounded by the same environment, but I feel like I need to strike out on a new path. I feel like God has been calling me to do this for some time, but I have not really been listening. I have just been so lost. At times, I felt like He wasn't there at all, but maybe He was just saying, "I already told you!" Someone told me yesterday, "Change is so hard." What a simple statement, but so very true. SO VERY TRUE. To change my current environment would mean to change a job that essentially I love and at which I make good money. It would mean to try and work out an arrangement with Thomas if I want to move away. I am not willing to go anywhere without the girls, so that means trying to convince Thomas to go, too. Change means biting the bullet and doing it.

So what am I afraid of? Why keep talking about it? Now is the perfect time to do it! Callie and Lyla are not in regular school yet, I am young, moderately healthy and I am capable of learning to do ANYTHING in any office environment. I still fear the unknown. I lack the faith and trust to jump out there and just let God carry us into the future. To be honest, in my brain and my heart, I think I feel like I really, really tried that two years ago and up until now, it has always been my opinion that He didn't carry me. That He dropped me and the proverbial "footprints in the sand" were not there. There was just a long line where I have been literally dragging myself. So, this weekend, maybe I decided He was there in some way, I just haven't seen it yet. I have had people SHOUTING at me over the last nine months that God cannot exist in a divorce and that Thomas and I just need to get back together and that is what God wants and that they know what God wants and I need to listen to them. I'm here to tell you that it is awfully hard to hear God when everyone else is shouting in your ear that they know what is best. Maybe God knew what was best. Maybe God has been talking to me and working in me and maybe He is there now. Maybe I was hurting SO bad for so many years, He just wanted His daughter to stop hurting and to be healed. I am sitting on a plane right now and at this moment the song Temporary Home is playing. How appropriate. This earth IS my temporary home, but while I am here, I need to listen to Him and work for God. I just feel like I belong somewhere else and I can do good somewhere else. I have a place, I just know it. Maybe JUST MAYBE I need to take the plunge, but I am so scared. He has a place for me somewhere, right?

Have you ever felt that way?

Update

Time for a long overdue update...

The months since my last update in November have been long and very eventful. My personal life has been reduced to shambles, but at some point, I will emerge from the rubble a new person. Hopefully. I am learning to live in a different environment where the people I thought I could depend on, I couldn't, and those I least expected to be my support are those I find in my corner. I find that when people have perceptions of situations, it is very difficult to sway them from their beliefs.

My health has been up and down. I get frustrated with fatigue. The incredible heat here has been irritating because it seems to have an effect on me. When I was in Chicago for a week a few weeks ago, I felt pretty good. I don't know if that was because of all the time we spent outside or because we walked more or just because my general mood was better. Either way, when the cooler weather comes, I can't wait to spend more time with the girls outside! I have some plans for places to go while they are both still in preschool and the demands of regular school are not on us. :-)

We are trying to sell the house in Burleson, but reached a standstill when the realtor would not list it at the price we wanted. I would like to see what happens at the price we desire. I figure we can always drop the price, but if we price it too low, we have zero negotiating power. I love this house and I hate to let it go. It is a must. I wish work was closer. I would stay here in a heartbeat.

One last note! The NOCC walk to here again and we have another TEAM MEGANN! Sign up!

That's all for now. :-)

Lemons

The NOCC walk was a huge success. It was raining cats and dogs, but we had a great turnout and I know Megann would have been so proud. Her parents were there and I was happy to see them. We had the brunch at church immediately following. It was a success as well. Leesa did a wonderful job coordinating and Jenny's Mom was the speaker. It was an emotional day, but a blessing.

In other areas, I feel like life is handing me lemons right now. Things are a struggle. Physical health is okay. I have a preliminary new diagnosis of Sjorgens Syndrome, which is moderately irritating. The girls are doing well, but other things in our home are not, so for all who happen upon this blog, we do need some really fervent prayers on our behalf. I don't know where we are headed, but I can only hope it is in the direction God has for us.

TEAM MEGANN!

We are going to have Team Megann at the NOCC Walk to Break the Silence on Ovarian Cancer on September 25. Come walk/run with us! There is a one mile and a 5K. Go to the link below to register or I can register for you. When you register, select Team Megann from the list. All ages are welcome! We will order Team Megann T-shirts, so I will contact all those on our team and will get your shirt size. Let's get a lot of people out there! Tell your friends! We want to honor our wonderful friend, Megann! We miss her so much and don't want to lose anymore friends to this terrible disease.

REGISTER FOR TEAM MEGANN HERE 

After the walk, there is a Ladies Brunch at Heritage. This is going to be a wonderful event and I encourage all of our women to go. You will have time to do the one mile and then go over to the brunch. There should be time to freshen up and change clothes between the events.

Leave a comment if you have any questions!

When one has not blogged in such a long time, one is tempted to "catch up" and talk about everything that has happened in the last 3-4 months. I will resist. Instead, I will say that this week has brought some sadness, with the passing of Thomas' grandmother, Wilma Smith. We called her Ninny. She was a great woman - very caring and LOVED us. She adored the girls. We went to see her last weekend and Thomas was able to say goodbye and that was such a blessing. He also was able to see her about six weeks ago and she was in slightly better health then. The last twelve months met us with the loss of many loved family members and friends. It is hard to come to grips with the fact that we are getting older and this will become more apart of our life. I suppose that is why God gives us each other.

Enough of the sad news! I guess I will go ahead and catch you up on a FEW things. :-) Since I blogged last, I celebrated my 9th year with GST - NINE years. We also decided to enroll our kids in preschool and look forward to the girls being in a classroom style environment. Thomas is due for another liver scan and is not to have raw shellfish. In honor of that, we have probably eaten more raw oysters in the last 12 months than we have in the last 12 years. I will turn 33 this week. That is only two years younger than my Mom was when my parents moved from TX to CA!! In my brain, my parents are still that age.

We are trying to get our house on the market right now. We have done a GREAT job of accumulating junk in the last (almost) five years of homeownership. Moving out of the house that Tim helped us buy and we brought our girls home to is very bittersweet, but the benefits will be awesome. We look forward to being closer to our church family and work.

One last note. I was cleaning out one of our closets and found a large storage tub full of "memories" from highschool and college. It was everything from pictures and letters to Kojie memorabilia and youth group papers. It was like going back in time. I probably sat in that closet for an hour looking at different items. After I was done, I sealed the tub back up and put it in the stack to go to storage. Such wonderful memories contained in that plastic container. It made me think of all that my girls have to look forward to and all their lives have to offer. I wonder what is ahead for them and if I am capable of helping them make the right decisions and letting them make the wrong ones when it won't hurt them and they can learn from doing so. I hope so.

Spoon Theory

I have waited for quite some time to update my blog. After Jenny's passing and with so much going on at work and church, I needed to wait. Even though my previous blog about Jenny was very positive, obviously things for her physical body went downhill after that posting. She will be missed.

I have posted many pictures on facebook to catch up on the snow days, retreat and other various events that have taken place in the last few months, so that is where I have chosen to keep them. For now, I am using this blog as more of a personal space to express my thoughts on my health and other things happening. So few people read my blog now (and so many are on FB) that I feel this can be more of an occasional outlet for that sort of writing. On the other hand, I won't always be a Debbie Downer. :-)

Yesterday, after a few days of having a lot of pain in my hips and hands, I found an essay written by Christine Miserandino called The Spoon Theory. She has a website (or is part of a website) that is http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/. I found this after many tears shed over the fact that I am in a position in my life right now that I simply cannot do the things I want to do and have the heart to do, without risk. Not necessarily risk to my health right now (I will wear myself out and will crash), but to my marriage, family and to my employment.

My tears in the last 36 hours have come over Music Camp. I am so happy they are wanting to do Music Camp again. I went to the meeting today and am THRILLED that Brittany is taking a leadership role and I am excited to help her (and that she is willing to let me help). She and I were able to brainstorm some awesome ideas today that I think will really be incredible. Conversely, it has been devastating to come to the realization that I cannot do what I could do two years ago. I was able to be in the room by myself with 60 kids and control them, teach them, love them and learn from them and now I know I cannot. I could teach them, but I couldn't possibly do that all day with that many kids AND discipline them AND do everything else. I am limiting myself to working with the actors and doing lines, staging and blocking. I am mentoring Brittany and passing the torch on something that I love so much it hurts. I love Brittany and trust her so much. I trust her decisions and judgement and I know she is doing this out of love for the kids. I would not want to see it any other way. Ultimately, this is another thing in my life that is this way. It is not just Music Camp, it is a list of activities in which I have had to step back and set limits. I HATE LIMITS. I want to push the limits and in the last two days, when it has been painful just to walk up my stairs, I know that setting these limits is right, but it doesn't stop hurting my heart.

It has been so hard to express to Thomas my feelings on this subject. When I found this essay, I printed it and had him read it. The author is obviously much farther along in her journey, but there is one part that describes my feelings so accurately.

"It's hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to....When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom."

I think I struggle with this because I am 32. I had a benchmark of where I was and I am in a place where I have realized I cannot reach that benchmark again. I thought losing 40+ pounds would give me just a hint of more energy. No. I thought medicine might. No. Maybe alternative therapies. No. My doctors don't think I am sick enough to really treat yet and I am stuck.

I find myself asking God why He is doing this and what my purpose is constantly. At church, we have been called to be lights of the world, but I struggle to be a light to my kids, let alone the world. Sometimes, Christians get the label of already having the light, but right now, mine is one of those little LED flashlights you get at Walmart. In my heart, I want to be a stadium light, but I just don't know how to get there right now.

Update

One of my co-workers came into my office this week and said they "wandered onto my blog" and "update the blog already." So, on that note, I thought I would go ahead and post something lighthearted. This is in lieu of talking about Jenny. FYI - I am SO thankful she has made it through the last week. It is a real testament to the power of prayer!

Anyway - onto the lightheartedness (is that a word?).

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One looks at the other and says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

THANK YOU!! I'm here all week!

Snow White

There is something about watching Snow White for the first time with your child. I bought Callie and Lyla Snow White and Sleeping Beauty today (before they go back into "The Vault") and we sat down to watch Snow White and Callie was so excited. It was amazing to see her face light up when Snow White came onto the screen and there she was, not just a picture of her on a book or some sort of toy. Anyway, I can't really describe it, but I can say Callie was pretty cute.

This blog entry is really about updates. I am still taking 150 pills every night. Okay, so it is down to something like 8-1/2. That is positive. The doctor confirmed today that I am crazy, so at least we all got that diagnosis correct! Just kidding. He did assure me that I DO have Lupus and I am not a hypochondriac (sp?). That made me feel a little better.

I think I have decided that if I can round up enough friends that I want to take a long weekend trip somewhere. It can be either just women or women and spouses, but then we have to deal with childcare in a lot of cases, so maybe we should just say women. Just kidding. Hmmmm...let's go somewhere fun, yet inexpensive. I will have to think on that, but we need to do it soon. March is all booked up with Spring Break for many and a lot of church events, but maybe after? Who is with me? :-)

On a very, very positive note, Thomas FINALLY had his scan done and his liver situation has remained unchanged, which is an answer to prayer. He will go in for another scan in 6-12 months. We will just assume that it is a hemangioma and is nothing. :-)

If you are a Heritage woman (or want to be one), think about going to the retreat. It is going to be A-W-E-SOME! I'm not blowin' smoke. Seriously. This is a fun time had by all (women over 18). We need some of our more mature ladies to join us this year. We need some mentoring going on! Get your grass skirts and come on out! Actually, if you show up with grass skirts, I will laugh. That has absolutely nothing to do with the theme. However, if you bring a grass skirt, I promise to bring a coconut bra. Just ask Jeana. I have one. I wore it to Mistee's house for her Hawaiian themed Bunco. Over my clothes, of course. TMI? Sorry ministers, since I know some of you tend to wander this direction sometimes. :-)

Have a good one!

2009

Goodbye, 2009. Glad to see you go.

Trying to remember the good things from 2009:
Girls were healthy
Women's Retreat
New friends
Can now make Gumbo in my sleep
B&B in Nacogdoches

Prayer for 2010:
"Into my heart. Into my heart. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus. Come in today, come in to stay. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus."

People who graced my life that I will not see again in this body, but will see again someday:
Uncle Richard Williams - Hilarious, loving, fun, Christian man. He was always  a part of our lives, but in the last few years was truly a blessing to Thomas and me. He had a connection with us that could not be duplicated and we truly felt close to him and Aunt Theresa, even though they live in California. He made an impact on their small community and I miss him deeply. I had thought of him often since I attended his memorial service in California earlier in the Fall. His laugh still rings in my ears and I think on the good times fondly. Still, a lump forms in my throat when I see his smile in the projector of my mind.

Tim Head - As stated on his honor page and on my blog below, Tim was a wonderful friend, who touched many, many lives in his short time here. My heart cannot make sense of our loss of Tim. He did so much for Thomas and me and we were just like so many countless others in Tim's life. Tim and Amy have been a blessing to us and I regret not telling them more often. I doubt that Tim ever understood how grateful we were for the work he did. His sense of humor will never be forgotten and his Christian example will live on through the many works he did.

My hope for 2010:
The right Lupus medication
God will ease my troubled mind
My family will remain healthy
The family business will survive
Henry Weinhardt's Root Beer will be sold in Albertson's

Honoring Tim

Oh snap. I read my postings before this and realize how selfish I am. The last 2-1/2 days, my mind has been consumed by thoughts of Amy. I have been thinking of Samantha and the whole family, but mostly Amy.

Tim was wonderful. He was thoughtful. God put him in our life right at the moment when we needed him and Tim CHANGED OUR LIFE. Tim got us into our first house. Consequently, we had our first daughter and more importantly, our marriage survived. Many people don't know how rocky our marriage was until that point. So, we happened to mention to Tim in passing that we were going to try and find some stability at some point by getting into our first house. Tim ran with it. It took almost eight months for it to happen and it did because Tim was persistent and he made it work. In the last few weeks, he was working to try and help us sell that very house to get us closer to Heritage. It isn't just the house. It is so many other things he did or said. Too many things to list. He was hilarious, thoughtful, caring and a friend to all.

So, I keep thinking of Amy. I laid in bed last night and couldn't sleep because I kept thinking of how she could possibly be dealing with all of this. She has a wonderful support network, but in the quiet of the night, when she is alone with her thoughts...I just can't imagine. Last night, I tried to mentally send her my sleep. Not sure that it worked. :-)

To say the thing I most want to say...I can't believe this has happened. I don't understand it and I don't know why it has happened, but it has. I haven't processed it yet, but I know that I will never be the same because I knew Tim. Thomas said, "Do you ever think maybe things like this happen because God wants us to see how we should be? How we should become better people and be like those who left us behind?" Well, I don't know, but I do know there is no doubt Tim is in heaven. Tim's life makes me aspire to be a better person.

Amy will never read this, but I want her to know I don't say the right thing. I am not good at words. I am good at sticking my foot in my mouth. I want to do something, anything, to help. I don't know what that is right now. Maybe that will be something in a year that comes up, maybe it will be something further down the road. I want her to know I am sharing in her sorrow and the Freeman family loves her and Samantha so much.

It's official. I am your personal Debbie Downer.

Note: This is a blog in which I vent. If you don't want to hear me complain, please do not read anything before the third paragraph.

Do you ever just want to go into a room and scream, yell and cry? Then, you do just that, but you really don't feel any better. You just feel hoarse and you have a red face. It's a horrible feeling. I feel that way, only I am way too tired to even scream. I just pretty much wallow in my misery. I don't know why I am feeling this way. I know that my body hates me right now and my heart is in one place and my body holds me back. It is so very frustrating. I want to be playing with my kids, but my body says it wants to rest. I try to push myself and often I push beyond my limits and then I feel physically sick later. I want to give the same amount of hours and commitment at work, but I don't have the stamina right now. I can't focus the same because I have pushed so hard and am so worn out that I just have to take a break. I am so tired and my motivation dwindles with every passing day. The drug my doctors have put me on was supposed to help my malaise and my other symptoms and it has not, so I have to wait for my next appointment. In the meantime, my immune system had to fight off a bad cold and it has left me with nothing.

Nothing physically or spiritually. Physically and mentally, I feel like a disappointment to my co-workers and to Thomas. I was the rock at work. I was the person who could stay there until midnight, who could remember everything at the drop of a hat and the person they could depend on for anything and everything. I pushed myself to be the absolute best. Now, I am pushing myself to just be the best I can possibly be until we find something that makes life bearable. I feel like a disappointment to Thomas. He has picked up so much slack in our house and he doesn't deserve this kind of life. My mental state has forced him to even have to dispense my 12 different pills every night and he does so without complaint. He takes care of me and every day, I hit this wall in my mind when I know his life is not what he bargained for. Spiritually, I am empty. I am trying to stay involved in everything I can at church. I feel alone, but most of that is because I live 25-30 minutes from church and so many people have told me I have isolated myself. I am waiting and praying for God to fill me spiritually, but to this point, I am filled with self doubt and dispair.

The one thing in my life right now (other than Christmas) that I am truly excited about is the Women's Retreat. I am knee deep in the planning and it is going to be so much fun and just an absolutely awesome weekend. I am excited about the theme, about the ideas and about having a meeting with our planning committee. I am pumped about the location because it is truly incredible (assuming we go with this particular place). I am thrilled that our planners are willing to fundraise to help subsidize the cost so we can have it somewhere really nice, but keep it affordable. I mean, seriously, most of the rooms have jacuzzi tubs! The property owner has given us an incredible deal, if we can make it work out financially. On the theme front, my brain is exploding with everything from decor to activities. I can't wait! I am anxious about people wanting to not spend the night because the location is closer than last year and I am anxious about the money, however, I know God will work it out and give us some great ideas on how to get a great age range and income range at the retreat. It will be a really wonderful event.

So, say a prayer that the doctor gets me on the right meds and I find a way to start resting. Thomas and I are going to try and sell our house, so please pray that we can get it on the market and sold soon so we can move closer to church and work. One more - pray for my mental state. Not doing well and I am great at not telling anyone but PB. It is one day at a time and I need some prayer support to get through this. I am not great with people laying hands on me and praying. Just seeing the stats on my blog and knowing someone is reading this and MIGHT be praying is enough for me. If you do, thanks.

It's been four weeks on the new meds and they aren't working. I know it is supposed to take up to 12 weeks, but I am just so tired. Physically, I am still having the same symptoms and emotionally, well, not doing great. Spiritually, I can't even describe the bottomless pit I feel myself in right now. In the back of my mind, I am getting scared that the normal medication for Lupus is not going to work on me. I don't want to be a medical black sheep. I want to be textbook. I want this medicine to work and I want to feel better. This has been the hardest year of my life and the punches keep getting thrown. I believe that God's assessment of "how much I can handle" is a little off. Not to take away from His knowledge, but honestly.

At any rate, I just needed to write this down, rather than just cry about it at home. I guess this is another late night vent session. :-)

New Journey

Several of you already know this and many of you have asked. I am posting here and not on Facebook because only my friends read this and many of my "friends" on FB are really just acquaintances and I am just not ready for a big deal about this yet.

I have been diagnosed with Lupus and Chronic Epstein Barr Virus. The theory is that at some point in my life, I had mono or something in that virus family and the infection stayed active in my cells. I have never been diagnosed with mono, but it makes sense because I am so affectionate. Haha. That infection has caused the Lupus (in theory), which is obviously, at this point, incurable. Many, many people walk around with inactive Epstein Barr in their bodies, but for some reason, it just stayed active with me. This explains my hair loss, extreme fatigue, joint pain and other symptoms. I was diagnosed several weeks ago and have been to two different specialists and had the tests run and exams done multiple times. I am confident that the diagnosis is correct, but my immediate family is still in denial. I don't think any of us wants it to be true.

So, I wasn't ever going to write this blog entry, but I read a story on yahoo today about Lucy Vodder, the inspiration for the Beatles' "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds." She died today at 46 from Lupus. She battled the disease for five years. FIVE YEARS. That's it. She was only 46 years old! After I read the article, I read the responses from the people below the story and saw many stories of those who had lost a loved one from this disease and honestly, I got scared. I have been scared this whole time. I don't think I am going to have a severe case of this disease and I don't believe that I am going to die in five years, but I also don't know what God has in store for me. When I hugged my babies tonight before they went to sleep, a little voice went off my head, "If you leave them in five years, will Lyla even remember you? Even if she does, will she remember this you or a disabled you that has Lupus?"

So, I keep having these conversations with God in my car when I am alone. I guess they are more like one sided shouting matches. I think that is okay - we are supposed to be conversational with Him, right? My faith has been shaken a lot this year, now more than ever. I have a hard time dragging myself out of bed and I am not afraid to say that my kids are what gets me to church. I am always glad to have gone, but my motivation level is lacking a bit. I keep thinking of those who have really had a struggle - those we walked for on Saturday, those who are going through daily struggles to just keep on living. I see myself as selfish for being angry about my diagnosis and I see myself as being weak.

Nevertheless, I am completely scared. I am anxious about what the future holds for my family and for my kids. I love them. I could live until I am 80 or I could live five years. I guess that is true no matter what, but there is something different when you know there is something inside you that could cause your death that is otherwise not in most other people.

I guess I am done venting. I don't need anything. I guess just some prayers - more for mental strength and spiritual strength than physical strength right now. I don't care who knows about the diagnosis, but I don't want people giving me pity eyes or avoiding me. I am still me, just me with Lupus. FYI - the Epstein Barr is not contagious and you can't get Lupus from me either. I guess I am beginning a new phase of my life. Not really what I had planned.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes.

That title is misleading. I would like for there to be some ch-ch-ch-ch-changes, but no luck. Yet.

Eight years ago today I took a job working at GST for my parents. I promised them and Thomas that it would be short term and we would only stay for a maximum of two years. HA! I started out in the shop - I remember my Dad telling me I had to work my way up and start by getting my hands dirty. Apparently, this was only a requirement for his youngest child. My first 6 months in particular were spent wrapping pallets, driving forklifts, coming home sweaty and gross on some days and being immersed into a culture that was a far cry from the ultra political scene of the Campus Life office at ACU. Not that I didn't like ACU, but most of you know that working there really tainted my overall view of the university. That is another story for another day.

Anyway, so I started in the Shipping Department and then I worked my way into Purchasing, then Customer Service, then Accounts Payable, then Office Manager and now I am Corporate Controller. In the last eight years, my sister has come on officially full-time (after working on a part-time, but really more than that basis for many years), my brother came on and slid right into a VP role and we have expanded to three facilities. Thomas came on five years ago. In other words, what was once really just Dad, Mom and me (and Tonya on the fringe, but knowing a lot of the people and knowing what is going on) is now all of us. It is an interesting dynamic.

All of that to say - eight years is a long time. I really want to go on a nice, relaxing vacation.

"Still a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest..."

Simon and Garfunkel

Not talking about Thomas. I just heard that song today and it made me think of things in the past. I miss home.

No comments necessary.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I just want to wish everyone a very Happy New Year. We had a wonderful Christmas and were spoiled by our families, as usual. We are so blessed and God has continued to keep us safe and relatively healthy this year. May the new year bring a time of renewed faith, good health and love to all of you. We are thankful for our friends - new and old - and may God bless each of your lives.

Love,
Thomas, Tami, Callie and Lyla

What Do You Think?

I read an article this morning regarding some of the things Obama will do with his executive power without "waiting for Congressional action." Some of the issues he is going to change immediately with his executive powers are removing any restrictions on stem cell research and closing off 360,000 acres of public land in Utah to prevent drilling. Regardless of how I feel about these issues, what was more disturbing to me were the comments left by 654 people below this particular story. The comments were varied, but seemed to be split 50/50 - almost ALL were attacking the other side in some major way. Not intelligent debate, just attack after attack from all sides. I realize after every election, there is this type of discussion all over the media and internet. This is especially the case when people are so divided.

So, here is my controversial question for the quarter...

Do you believe our new President-elect will unite or divide our country?

Don't worry about leaving your comments - you can always leave them anonymously. I know many people who read my blog voted different ways. I want to hear what you really think. Don't hold back and don't just write the PC answer. I look forward to reading your thoughts.

Halloween

Before I discuss our awesome Halloween, I have a very important announcement....




For the very first time ever, someone came to the door to come out and ask if Callie could play! There are a TON of kids in our neighborhood, but since I was so sick during the pregnancy, we really didn't spend a whole lot of time out front with her. Last night, she played a lot with a little girl next door named Jasmine and Jasmine knocked on our door tonight to ask if Callie could play! It was sweet and made us feel good that she had so much fun with Callie, even though she is five and Callie is two. Anywho - it was heartwarming.


On to Halloween...


As you know, Thomas LOVES Halloween. Let me tell make it clear - he doesn't like cutsy Halloween. He likes scary Halloween. The scarier the better, BUT we had Trunk of Treats at church and I reminded him it was not appropriate to be scary. So, alas, we went as the Swedish Chef and Miss Piggy from The Muppets. He was HILARIOUS and my costume was perfect, in light of the number of pounds I packed on when I stopped being pregnant (because it was then that I was finally able to eat). So, the first set of pictures is from Trunk of Treats - Callie was a spider and Lyla was a ladybug! Also, note the awesome carving of pumpkins. I only did one - Thomas gets credit for the rest...





For our home celebration of Halloween, of course our house was all decorated, as usual. This year, Thomas built a graveyard and we went with a spider theme. As you can see from the house pictures, our spiders had captured a human in their web this year. It was pretty awesome! We played a track through our window that everyone thought was real. The BEST PART was Thomas as the undertaker. He wandered around the graveyard looking frightening. He was in charge of scaring the kids and I was in charge of softening the blow with giving them big handfuls of candy (with the girls) on the porch. We had a great time, but there was one problem - we have determined that due to Friday night football, we had about 75-100 less trick or treaters this year. We only had about 115 and that was pretty sad. We will still continue to do cool stuff though and hopefully, have more kids next year!

Thomas had an awesome idea to carve the inside of a pumpkin and let the candles show the design. He was going to do "redrum" and then determined the letters had too many curves for the short time frame he had to get it done. Can you read this one? I told you he likes scary Halloween....

So, believe it or not, now I have started planning Christmas! Plus, I have Bunco at my house this year, so the pressure is on. :-)

Lyla wears A LOT of hand-me-downs. Callie had some adorable clothes and we have again put many of them to good use with our newest little girl. Yesterday, after we arrived back home from a full day at work and my parents' house, I put Lyla in a yellow ducky sleeper. I remembered taking a picture of Callie wearing this right after she was born in 2006, so I took a picture of Lyla in it as well. The pictures are kind of grainy because I took them all with my phone. Callie was only 6 days old when we took hers, Lyla is now two months. What do you think? Do they look alike to you? Do you know which one is which?